A Sinner’s Lament

Dear Lord, guide my thoughts, my mind, and my heart.

Take my hand and lead me in the path that I must go to serve You.

Let me not move about aimlessly as a feather trapped in a gushing torrent of the winds. This world is far too treacherous to be left alone without You.

Sin hides around every corner and beckons me to follow.

I’m not strong enough to resist every temptation that summons me by name.

Father I call upon You both day and night…

There is nothing here for me in this Godforsaken land.

Though I seek to serve You… Your silence is deafening.

All I hear is chatter of a reprobate mind seeking to serve this world of woe.

It does not know You...It does not love God…

Yet it lives in me and think it owns me.

Alone I know not how to fight it!

Have you given up on this creation of Yours? Did I fail You once too many times?

I sensed that You once loved me when I was yet in my mother’s womb.

Perhaps I strayed too far from Your righteous path once too many?

I went far out in the wilderness of woe… all puffed up as a man…

Ignoring the precepts my father and father’s father taught me.

Yes, I knew Your word at birth… it was spoon fed to me.

Yes it was I, not You that moved. Can You forgive me?

Is there any hope for a wretched fool like me?

Though I know that I have wronged You.

And I don’t deserve Your forgiveness.

It was only I who let You down.

And not the other way around.

Though I walk in the bright, gleaming sunshine,

Yet I see only darkness because You are not there.

Did You hide Your presence from me to teach me a lesson?

If that is what You desired… it worked!

Father please open a door that I might return to You.

I no longer like this world without You in it.

There is nothing that leads to everlasting...

Only heaps that leads to eternal death.

If I am to die in this godforsaken land,

I will have no way to return back to You.

Unless You extend a bridge of Your unearned grace,

What once was promising, can be no more.

I’m told that Elijah was able to raise a child from the dead using the tip of his staff.

Christ raised a boy from the dead, He brought life back into his lifeless body.

Will the Spirit that is in Christ awaken me once I am dead in this world?

Or…Have I crossed over into a land of no return?

While there is still life in this carcass of mine…

I will continue to pray for Your guidance…

I will become a feather in Your breeze…

Offering no resistance to Your flow.

If it takes me to the doors of hades then I will accept Your will.

If it pulls me up into Your heavenly abode, I will be exceedingly glad.

I know that I do not deserve anything from You…

But I… still… must… ask.

Though I know that I have sinned, for sin lives in the marrow of my bones.

This wicked mind of mine that has tasted sin and decided that it was good.

My willful act opened an access door into the chambers of my heart.

The enemy freely walked into a place that was reserved for you.

But now that I’ve tasted the Lord and know that He is good…

Sin will not give up its stranglehold of my eternal soul.

I know that You have heavenly warriors capable of defeating this beast.

Your heavenly angels can take my soul away from this fallen dragon.

I no longer wish to serve the beast… or to waddle in his mud.

I alone can’t pull away from his deadly grasp of my soul.

If You do not save me I will sink into the abyss…

Never to feel the warmth of Your love again.

I know that You are my Father and I was once a son to You.

Through my disobedience I fell into the open arms of the dragon.

I know now as I did not fully know then, that You alone are God.

And through You alone is there a path to eternal salvation.

Looking back now I see why You left me alone in the darkness.

Your absence let me know the full extent of Your hands.

Even in the pits of hades… You were able to find me.

From death’s grasp You beckoned be back to You.

There are no words to express my gratitude.

If I am to live or if I am to die… it will be with God almighty.

Into Your loving arms I give my heart, my soul, my mind and my spirit.

For this unrighteous soul there can be no other God before me!

Thy will be done here on earth as it is in heaven.

Selah!